Grab yer lariats, cowgirls and boys, it's time for the Gay News Roundup...herdin' together What is Strange From On the Range.
1 : Walk This Waaaaaay...
Interesting news came out today (get it? "Came Out"? HAH. I kill me. Or you do.) It provides yet another bit of scientific proof supporting the "nature" side of the "nature vs. nurture" argument. It seems that the lead singer from the Spin Doctors (masquerading as David Sylva, a grad student from Northwestern University) released the results of a study examining the walking patterns of gay/straight men/women. In his study, he strapped red lights on to his subject's bodies and then videotaped them walking in the dark. He then showed the results to survey participants (who won't be affected by clothing or hairstyles since they can only see the lights moving) and then quizzed them on the sexual orientation of each walker.
Got to give a tip of my hat (which of course matches my shoes) to the fine folks at CNN for being smart enough to post some of his video footage so that we can put our ability to spot fellow travelers to the test. Fire up your gaydar and let's play...Spot The Gay! The links are in the story here (but you get no credit for spotting the one using jazz hands.)
2 : I will NOT make any jokes about "cockpits" or "foxholes"
Of course, I have to point out (again) the surreality of the prior blog entry concerning the revelation that the Ohio Air Force lab proposed developing a bomb that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to "become gay." The supposition was that this chemical-induced development of gaiety would cause the "enemy soldiers to become irresistibly attractive to one another" and the resulting lust-fest would cause the "units to break down." (Ouch!) We have no comments on rumors that, while the DoD denied funding, every gay man in America has signed up to be part of the field trials.
3 : God? Like, Totally Hates You?
No, really. I was at this party on Sunday and OMG, he was like totally BAGGING on U.
He was with the cherubim? And was all like how he just pretended 2 listen when U prayed and stuff. I was gonna be all "Oh No You Didn't" when I totally heard him say that he hated EVERYBODY. Like THE WHOLE WORLD. And he's like been storing up all of this rage and can't wait to see us burning in hell 4ever. Maybe he was drunk or something but I like totally got out of there...
This is the gist of the uplifting message brought to you by the kind, loving people at the Westboro Baptist Church (located in Kansas - thanks, Petey). You remember them...the family, who, led by their grandfather Fred Phelps, picketed the funerals of people who died of AIDS? You remember...back when AIDS was something the news covered (you know, in that short span of time immediately after the news not covering it and immediately before the news not covering it again?) we would see footage of them chanting and waving signs like "GOD HATES FAGS" and "FAGS DIE, GOD LAUGHS" and even, bizarrely enough, "FAG SANTA." (Come on, don't even act surprised. His name is Kris Kringle. And he wears that fabulous fur suit and boots year 'round...who is in denial here, sister? You're just wanting to get onto his naughty list.)
Well, the Phelpers are still around, still doing the voodoo that they do so well that you want to kill them. And just in case you felt their prior expression of their message was in some way unclear, they're giving it to you in a musical format. (Cuz you know gay men can't resist a musical...and there is nothing like some hate to get the toe a-tappin'.) Ready? A five, a six, a five-six-seven-hate..."
Sigh. This entry started out intending to be full of mockity goodness...but the more I read about this the more I got depressed. On page after page, it became clear that wherever there has been human suffering (Katrina, 9/11, the funerals of US soldiers) in the US, they have gathered, taunting the bereaved with the news that their mad dog God couldn't be more delighted at their pain. Scheisse. My trusty palomino and I are gonna go hide under the bed. C'mon, horsey.
While I'm away, here is something to cheer you up. Who can be sad in the face of this?